Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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