ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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