I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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