I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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