Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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