so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
