there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
