It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize