It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
