i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
