He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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