Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
