If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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