dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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