Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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