We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
