I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this will be a night to untag.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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