How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
