I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
