Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
