you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
