In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
