well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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