why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
handjob tips. give me some.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
