Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
