When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
