I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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