Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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