I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
