You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
