I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
