No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
