I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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