my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I looked at my own cervix.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
