you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
