If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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