I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
