You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
