Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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