idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
