How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
