i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
