You're my little dorito
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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