just come out here and I will go home with you...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
