I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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