she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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