we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
