And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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