We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
