Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
