He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
