why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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