I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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