This girl is more easily done than said...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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