well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
