Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
