Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize