Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
