Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
