i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
