WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have post one night stand depression
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