I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
