My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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