Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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