Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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