At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
