I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
