What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize