I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
