some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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