Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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