DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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