So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
