but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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