so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
