I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
