i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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