I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
