At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
